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I’m a temp, too, so I totally understand the need to have an emotional outlet for the emotions that motion through me all the time, mostly about how I hate temping and I wish I had a real job and maybe I should be looking for one then? But at least I OWN my emotions instead of pretending to embrace irony with my Rivers Cuomo glasses and gigantic ugly watch (my watch is kind of big, but it is awesome).

And yes, I am, in fact, aware that I have previously featured a still from this video. But in the words of Goddess Ke$ha Herself, “I don’t give a, I don’t give a, I don’t give a.” Also, it took YEARS but I finally figured out how to add Hulu videos to WordPress, so expect about a million videos of NBC’s Thursday night shows.

SPOILER ALERT: This is a joke. Please don’t get butthurt because your dream boyfriend might be a hipster (and if your dream boyfriend is Noel Fielding, is definitely a hipster).

Some people never have a chance, really. They say that pedophilia is a vicious cycle and I can only assume that time will show that hipster parents beget hipster kids as well. It is clearly too late for our lost boy Noel Fielding but I hold out hope that his brother Michael Fielding can still be saved. But we must act quickly!

Unhand That Child, Sir!

I suspect that Noel Fielding will try to thwart us so first we need to ascertain what sort of  a threat he poses! Thus I ask you, dear readers, Noel Fielding – HIP or PED…make your choice…

p.s. Noel Fielding may have Michael dressing like him (skinny jeans and a skeleton jumper) to make him look older but that fake mustache is fooling no one. The boy is clearly underage.*

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I feel like Mindy Kaling just caught B.J. Novak staring inappropriately at her 9 year-old sister and is like, “Ryan, come on. We’re going home and we’re going to talk about this,” but really she means yell at him for being a pervert.

Sometimes you look at someone and you think to yourself, “man, that person is a HIPSTER.” And that’s o.k. You are probably right because, as an avid reader of this blog, you are equipped to make such a snap decision. Let’s take John Krasinski as a completely random example. John Krasinski, you think to yourself with relative confidence, is a HIPSTER.

johnkrasinski

I mean, alright, he’s not a Cobra Snake attending, fixie riding, artiste waif who pays for his ridiculously tight girl jeans with his parent’s trust fund. He’s more of a “Stuff White People Like” variety of hipster. (Seriously, check out that blog if you haven’t already, it’s awesome.)

But the point is, this guy is definitely a hipster. And maybe you’re o.k. with that. He is Jim from the Office. Jim from the Office is a pretty awesome guy, I’ll admit. He plays cute little pranks, pulls adorable faces, and he swayed with Pam to some mainstream indie band in the second season. All in all, he’s pretty endearing.

But I ask you, gentle reader, is it all just a ruse? Is young Johnny hiding his true(ly sinister) nature?!

final-john

(Do NOT trust this man!)

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About a month ago, Ashley got really into watching Last Comic Standing, particularly the audition rounds. I tried to resist, but due to her bad influence and constant peer pressuring, I eventually gave in. One of my favorites from the very beginning was Mr. Paul Foot. I liked the absurdity of his act, and I also liked his accent. He’s English. He’s very funny. He’s also very weird, which I think he tries to express through his personal style, but I think that it comes across more as aging neighborhood pedophile than simply eccentric comedian. It’s hard to say, though, and hence the pressing, urgent need for this blog. You need to know what to look for so you can know what to avoid. “But Sarah,” you say, “shouldn’t we be avoiding both hipsters and pedophiles?” To that, I say yes. But you still need to know the difference so you can know how to avoid them. When it comes to children, hipsters are slightly less dangerous, because with a strong enough home life, hipster interaction need not result in your child becoming a hipster. From what I understand, child molestation is a vicious cycle. So is being a hipster, but that can be broken by taking away access to Pitchfork and “vintage” clothing boutiques.

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I don’t watch American Idol, but I do read Oh No They Didn’t, so I know that these people are from that show. One of them won. The other didn’t. I think he’s the one that’s crossed out. But, if you ask me, this picture could easily be a still from a potentially good episode of SVU.

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