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Dr. Skoda, Dr. Skoda, Dr. Skoda. I’m trying to give you the benefit of the doubt here, but something about the mismatched hat and scarf, with the little smirk you’re rocking there, it just doesn’t sit right with me. However, you appear to have injured your arm, and I know from experience (the experience being almost breaking my shoulder from falling) that it’s really hard to not look creepy when you only have one hand to use. Plus, you played Juno’s dad in Juno, and I’m pretty sure that being a not-very-secret-hipster was a requirement for that movie.

Dear Jim Carrey,

Don’t think that you can fool me just because you have a grown woman with you. That quasi-windbreaker screams volumes more than her presence can, even though it’s just one word over and over again (“PEDOPHILE! PEDOPHILE! PEDOPHILE!”). Why not just grow a creepy mustache and call it a day? Unless, I guess you’re really going for more the Patrick Swayze in Donnie Darko type, in which case you are well on your way, sir.


The crack Hipster or Pedophile team

I can only assume that this is Joseph Gordon-Levitt’s way of telling us that he’s grown up, like when Jessica Biel did that photoshoot for Maxim or whatever and she was naked and 17. I don’t really blame her. If I was on Seventh Heaven I would have gone on a murderous rampage. Not even to just get off the show, just because it would have made me go completely insane.

Okay, back to Joey. With his scraggly little half-beard and his overcoat with the Obama button, he’s trying to show us that he’s a man now – he can grow a beard (sort-of), and he’s even old enough to vote! You know what else scraggly little half-beards and gross overcoats show us? Because I think you do. And don’t think that the double scarves are fooling us. One would have gotten the diagnosis hipster. Two get the diagnosis trying too hard to hide.

EXCEPT. Then I looked him up onĀ  imdb, and Joseph Gordon-Levitt has written and directed a movie called Sparks. There isn’t a synopsis on there, so until it’s proven otherwise, I’m going to have to assume that its’ an ode to everyone’s favorite tongue-staining caffeinated malt beverage. The only way I’ll change my mind is if I find out that Joseph Gordon-Levitt is responsible for Wikipedia‘s claim that children drink Sparks because they didn’t know there was alcohol in it. Which is fine if the children are RETARDED and ILLITERATE since it says right on the can that there’s alcohol in it! Something tells me that if children drank Sparks, it wasn’t by accident. AH I’M JUST SO ANGRY ABOUT IT! Sparks without caffeine is like a day without sunshine, or a day where it snowed a lot the night before but you still have to go to school because oooooh you’re a “grown up” and you don’t go to “school” you go to “work” and either way it is horrible!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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