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So is it me or has Elijah Wood become a mascot of sorts for us? He is to us as Bai Ling is to Go Fug Yourself. I’m okay with that, though. I love him. But I can’t deny that he’s a little suspicious. Especially in these pictures.

Look at how happy he is. Is it because he’s playing bocce, which I haven’t played in like a trillion years but I always thought was lots of fun (maybe because I played with lots of old Italian men who probably let me win so that I would go away and let them play a real game)? Is it because he’s helping charity? Or is it more a wink-and-nod smile, because of that boy in the background who appears to be getting down in the fiercest way?

I know that Elijah Wood is not a terrible enough person to be preying on poor little sick children, but… those eyes. They’re just so bright and blue and more than a little off-putting when he stares right at you with his arm around a small child.

This kid knows what’s up and he ain’t havin any of it.

This is the post where I decide to revisit Elijah Wood and totally call out my compatriot for being WRONG. Normally I might be all like “I don’t want to say she’s wrong,” or something like that, but I totally disagree with the idea that Elijah Wood is anything but a wee adorable hipster with big blue eyes. I always hope that I’ll see him at Pitchfork or something, although that dream has yet to be realized. I think that maybe it’s because he just blends in with all the other hipsters who look like child molesters.

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It would take a better litigator than I will ever be to argue that Elijah Wood is not a hipster. “A losing battle” is how one friend phrased it. And, ok, for the most part I would totally agree.

(Vanity scarf, acoustic guitar, faux modesty, crappy apartment* and expensive film equipment…how many scene points is that?)

Fortunately, for this game, shades of grey can be blown completely out of proportion.

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