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It’s a good thing Aziz Ansari says explicitly that he’s “not a child molester AT ALL,” because he was on my shortlist. I mean, for real, have you seen his full beard?

SPOILER ALERT: This is a joke. Please don’t get butthurt because your dream boyfriend might be a hipster (and if your dream boyfriend is Noel Fielding, is definitely a hipster).

Some people never have a chance, really. They say that pedophilia is a vicious cycle and I can only assume that time will show that hipster parents beget hipster kids as well. It is clearly too late for our lost boy Noel Fielding but I hold out hope that his brother Michael Fielding can still be saved. But we must act quickly!

Unhand That Child, Sir!

I suspect that Noel Fielding will try to thwart us so first we need to ascertain what sort of  a threat he poses! Thus I ask you, dear readers, Noel Fielding – HIP or PED…make your choice…

p.s. Noel Fielding may have Michael dressing like him (skinny jeans and a skeleton jumper) to make him look older but that fake mustache is fooling no one. The boy is clearly underage.*

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In America, Russell Brand is probably best known for his role in “Forgetting Sarah Marshall.” And as far as I can tell, that acting job is a pretty fair representation of his character in real life as well. To wit, Russell Brand has a reputation as a bit of a Lothario. As such, it wasn’t hard to find a few dodgy pictures of him on the internet.

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About a month ago, Ashley got really into watching Last Comic Standing, particularly the audition rounds. I tried to resist, but due to her bad influence and constant peer pressuring, I eventually gave in. One of my favorites from the very beginning was Mr. Paul Foot. I liked the absurdity of his act, and I also liked his accent. He’s English. He’s very funny. He’s also very weird, which I think he tries to express through his personal style, but I think that it comes across more as aging neighborhood pedophile than simply eccentric comedian. It’s hard to say, though, and hence the pressing, urgent need for this blog. You need to know what to look for so you can know what to avoid. “But Sarah,” you say, “shouldn’t we be avoiding both hipsters and pedophiles?” To that, I say yes. But you still need to know the difference so you can know how to avoid them. When it comes to children, hipsters are slightly less dangerous, because with a strong enough home life, hipster interaction need not result in your child becoming a hipster. From what I understand, child molestation is a vicious cycle. So is being a hipster, but that can be broken by taking away access to Pitchfork and “vintage” clothing boutiques.

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