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While most people of late had been watching the Olympics with rapt attention I spent the majority of February getting into Criminal Minds. It’s a lot like Law and Order without that L&O twist! at the end. It does, however, have the always-adorable Matthew Grey Gubler. To be honest, he’s like 90% of the reason I watch (I’m shallow-whatever).

The more I see of him, however, the more concerned I become. And thus I turn to you, dear readers to help me decide: Hip or Ped?

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I just want to preface this by saying that I did not watch the VMAs. Sorry but even though I might not look it to most people, I’m not a tween (when I started my current job, THREE different people asked if I was excited to be out of high school and if I was planning going to college after a year off). If that makes me a hipster, well, at least I have nothing to do with the Jonas Brothers. That would make me a pedophile.

I do have several friends who apparently watched the VMAs and live-tweeted it. It was brutal to wade through, but I found out that Kanye West continues to be a douche, I should be on Team Taylor, Beyonce is a class act who apparently had the best performance of the night, and Lady Gaga was the best dressed. Yeah… no. I know this because I checked out some pictures of the evening. That’s how I found out about the new Asher Roth.

Remember when Ryan Gosling grew a mustache for Lars and the Real Girl, and everyone was like “Ewwwww he looks like a pervert!” At least Ryan Gosling did it for a movie.

Not to mention, his date looks like she’s in an American Apparel ad. The kind that gets banned from England for looking too much like kiddie porn. But hopefully she’s “over 18” (yeah right, Dov Charney), and will at least keep future Inmate Roth away from Miranda Cosgrove.

Do you ever sometimes feel like people are mocking you, perhaps without even knowing? Because sometimes I feel like that when I see pictures like this. It’s as if Anthony Kiedis was getting dressed and said to himself, “Tony. You know what would be great? If you made yourself look like an ugly, creepy Johnny Depp. But how to do it…?” He decided that the best way was to get dressed as if he was Iggy Pop getting dressed as Professor Lupin getting dressed as Mr. Rogers (Lupin is dressing as Mr. Rogers to lure in the small children, but I have no idea why Iggy Pop would want to dress like that), and then threw on a pair of Rivers Cuomo glasses to throw people off his pedo trail. It sounds like one of my Halloween costumes, but it just looks creeptastic.