You are currently browsing the tag archive for the ‘bad hat choice’ tag.

I don’t know what a Kellan Lutz is, but this one needs to stop looking at that girl in the bikini. She looks barely legal, where “barely” is another word for “not.”

Advertisements

Kids, AND I’M LOOKING AT YOU LITTLE AMELIA POND, if this guy ever asks you if you to join him in his TARDIS, say no. Then please tell a trusted adult, like a parent, a teacher, or any adult who isn’t giving you a fucking deathstare. Do NOT let him come any closer.

Basically, you’re dead now. What is with the recent Doctors, anyway? First we have a seriously dangerous Death Eater who KILLED HIS OWN FATHER, led to the death of Cedric Diggory, and tried to kill little Harry Potter. Now they have a guy with no eyebrows (don’t let the BBC trick you, that is photoshop not eyebrows!) and one of those HORRIBLE CREEPSTER HATS. Seeing someone wear this style of hat (unless they’re an old Cuban man) is basically seeing Chris Hansen follow them around with a stool and an internet chat transcript.

I like Drew Barrymore. She’s “cute,” in the best possible way, and she seems like a pretty decent person. Whip It was actually really good (I was as surprised as anyone: a roller derby movie starring Juno and Kristen Wiig? Ugh. But no! Awesome). I give her huge props for totally turning her teenage years – drug addiction, starring in movies like Poison Ivy and the Amy Fisher Story as Ivy and Amy Fisher, respectively. Lindsay Lohan would do well to take a page from Drew’s book. Just, maybe not a page from a recent chapter.

I’m not sure what look Drew is going for here. I think it’s probably meant to be some cool thing, because famous people keep trying to make these hats work. These hats are totally fetch, as in they are never going to happen. They also always make you look kind of creepy. The whole outfit, with those kicks, the big headphones and the pretty full looking backpack, screams runaway teen. Then the reflective sunglasses whisper, “hey, don’t look at my eyes.” So basically, Drew Barrymore looks like a creepy old man runaway teen who doesn’t want anyone to see what her eyes are doing. It reminds me of one of my favorite episodes of SVU, where Eric van der Woodsen plays a kid named Teddy (I know, right?) who sexually abuses his little brother on his website called “Teddy’s Treehouse,” then runs away when he’s caught.

Even that woman behind her looks worried. A little starstruck maybe, but worried too.

I can sort of see what Zachary Quinto is going for here. At least, I assume it’s some kind of modern Cuban Mr. Rogers. It’s like the fashion version of fusion cooking, like Cuban-Christian gourmet dinners. Except he decided that, in this case, “modern” means a mustache that’s decidedly stuck between pedophile and Possibly Evil Corporate Executive On An Early 60s Sitcom. Sorry, dude, but only John Waters can pull that shit off. Even his cartoon self couldn’t do it quite right.

Here are several ways to update one’s wardrobe so that you don’t look like you touch children.

  • Tin foil. Tin foil makes you look like a robot, and robots are very modern. If you use the shiny side, it looks even more futuristic. Especially if you wear it as a hat (this also stops the government from reading your filthy, dirty thoughts).
  • Be really really really really incredibly rich, and buy Yves Saint Laurent’s 1967 Mondrian dress.
  • Be an art thief and steal that dress. I don’t recommend this, because it might end up being too much like the horrible remake of the Thomas Crown Affair that only exists to show that Old People Can Be Sexy Too™. However, if you’re an art thief, you can also just steal modern art and wear it like a poncho (take it out of the frame/unstretch the canvas first). Be careful not to do this with anything by Matisse, because who knows what might happen.
  • No matter what, don’t grow a creepy looking mustache. That is not modern, it is just creepy and wrong.

There’s this whole idea that women can’t be pedophiles. Not only have I seen enough SVU episodes and Lifetime movies to know that women can totally be pedophiles, just a different kind of pedophile (it’s harder to catch them because no one expects it!), that is straight up sexist! Just look at Scarlett Johanssen here.

If a man was wearing that outfit, the neighborhood watch would be trailing him like a Saint Bernard looking for someone in an avalanche! Okay, I had to work hard for that so don’t make fun. But seriously. The American Apparel low V neck t shirt? The hat? The sunglasses so no one can see where (or at whom) she’s looking? The cut offs? I love my cut offs and all, but these are ca-razy! Take away her boobs and you have a total pedo!