SPOILER ALERT: This is a joke. Please don’t get butthurt because your dream boyfriend might be a hipster (and if your dream boyfriend is Noel Fielding, is definitely a hipster).

Some people never have a chance, really. They say that pedophilia is a vicious cycle and I can only assume that time will show that hipster parents beget hipster kids as well. It is clearly too late for our lost boy Noel Fielding but I hold out hope that his brother Michael Fielding can still be saved. But we must act quickly!

Unhand That Child, Sir!

I suspect that Noel Fielding will try to thwart us so first we need to ascertain what sort of  a threat he poses! Thus I ask you, dear readers, Noel Fielding – HIP or PED…make your choice…

p.s. Noel Fielding may have Michael dressing like him (skinny jeans and a skeleton jumper) to make him look older but that fake mustache is fooling no one. The boy is clearly underage.*

As the resident expert my co-writer is better equipped to explain the dynamics of Noel’s primary pièce de résistance “the Mighty Boosh.”** Or you could Wiki it. Suffice it to say that given its surreal nature the Mighty Boosh is currently making super-highway sized inroads with the cooler cliques.

Conversely, Noel Fielding basically runs around the set “like a child dizzy on lemonade.” I imagine dressing like a child attracts actual children to your location like crumbs attract ants. As evidence I would cite the sudden appearance of child shaman Kirk in the the second season episode “Nanageddon.”  Furthermore, being in “the Mighty Boosh” puts Noel in constant contact with this gentleman and has led to many jokes about him being Julian Barratt’s wife both on the show and in real life.

A Family Portait: Young Boy & His "Hilarious" Uncle***

I would elaborate on what concerns me about this power dynamic but aforementioned co-writer will probably kill me in my sleep if I keep talking about it.

I like my life. So let’s move on.

Returning to camp Arguing-that-NoelIs-a-Hipster, promoting  “the Might Boosh” has led to a guest captain-ship of British music quiz show “Never Mind the Buzzcocks” (très hip) and has also put Noel in contact with this another HoP contestant – Russel Brand.

The Corruption Continues

I think we can all agree that maybe Noel hasn’t had the BEST of role models. Still, Stockholm Syndrome or no, one must be held accountable for their own actions**** at some point.

By now I’ve sort of lost track of why I started writing this post. Oh, yes, saving Michael Fielding. Right. It’s important! Without our help the poor guy is doomed to follow in his brother’s footsteps!

The Forces of Darkness Converge on Mike Fielding

*Actually, for the record, Michael Fielding is 28. He’s just kinda short. I guess age based on height so I’m fooled a lot. See the Kylie Minogue post for more about this.

**Credit where credit it due, I would know nothing of Noel Fielding without Sarah’s keen skillz for finding awesome things. And this is how I repay her.

***hi·lar·i·ous – extremely funny (per dictionary.com).

****actions like dressing like a hipster, for example.

The author would like to apologize to her at-home audience for the gratuitous use of asterisks and links. Though to be fair without them the article would have been a billion pages long and you probably wouldn’t have made it all the way to the bottom where the author’s note is. Cheers!