I just want to preface this by saying that I did not watch the VMAs. Sorry but even though I might not look it to most people, I’m not a tween (when I started my current job, THREE different people asked if I was excited to be out of high school and if I was planning going to college after a year off). If that makes me a hipster, well, at least I have nothing to do with the Jonas Brothers. That would make me a pedophile.

I do have several friends who apparently watched the VMAs and live-tweeted it. It was brutal to wade through, but I found out that Kanye West continues to be a douche, I should be on Team Taylor, Beyonce is a class act who apparently had the best performance of the night, and Lady Gaga was the best dressed. Yeah… no. I know this because I checked out some pictures of the evening. That’s how I found out about the new Asher Roth.

Remember when Ryan Gosling grew a mustache for Lars and the Real Girl, and everyone was like “Ewwwww he looks like a pervert!” At least Ryan Gosling did it for a movie.

Not to mention, his date looks like she’s in an American Apparel ad. The kind that gets banned from England for looking too much like kiddie porn. But hopefully she’s “over 18” (yeah right, Dov Charney), and will at least keep future Inmate Roth away from Miranda Cosgrove.