You know how there’s the thing when two people are having sex and one is, uhhhh, less clean than may be preferred, the less dirty (because, let’s face it, they’re probably both pretty nast) one’s friends are like, “Hey don’t forget to double bag it!” Only, since you’re not the woman who works at the Walgreen’s by my house and is obsessed with double bagging my bag of cotton balls, it’s more risky to double up like that. Shia, gracing our internet pages once again, proves just how dangerous two bags can be.

Seriously, why is he walking down the street with a paper bag over his head*, if it’s not to hide his identity when snatching children.