So is it me or has Elijah Wood become a mascot of sorts for us? He is to us as Bai Ling is to Go Fug Yourself. I’m okay with that, though. I love him. But I can’t deny that he’s a little suspicious. Especially in these pictures.

Look at how happy he is. Is it because he’s playing bocce, which I haven’t played in like a trillion years but I always thought was lots of fun (maybe because I played with lots of old Italian men who probably let me win so that I would go away and let them play a real game)? Is it because he’s helping charity? Or is it more a wink-and-nod smile, because of that boy in the background who appears to be getting down in the fiercest way?

I know that Elijah Wood is not a terrible enough person to be preying on poor little sick children, but… those eyes. They’re just so bright and blue and more than a little off-putting when he stares right at you with his arm around a small child.

This kid knows what’s up and he ain’t havin any of it.