The other day Sarah-sarah sent me this pin:

After extensive research on the subject, I learned a few things, which I shall now present for your consideration. And then, gentle readers, I shall leave it to you to decide HIPSTER or PEDOPHILE.

During my research, I learned a few highly suspicious things about Mr. Saporta. Each more incriminating than what came before.

1. He’s the guy behind that Snakes on a Plane video. Kinda sorta because he’s obsessed with snakes. Specifically with cobras (come on, that HAS to be a euphamism). He even has a hand sign for cobras (fangs up-?) and does things because “the cobra told him to.” I wonder if the cobra tells him to doother things…things of which Detective Stabler would not approve.

2. And then he started a band to teach hipsters not to take themselves too seriously. Thus possibly trying to establish himself as a non-hipster (read pedophile)? On the other hand, he and his new lot look very hip.

3. He’s rumored to have locked one of his band members in the basement for an extended period of time. And then did things to him. I’m betting it’s the tiny kid pictured above.

In conclusion:

*Did I mention he has a FREAKY, INTENSE stare. Like a cobra, he could hypnotize his prey and then devour them whole. ew.

**Also a known associate of Peter Wentz (who is discussed in depth on this very blog.