Okay guys. I want to apologize for the dearth of updates. My computer was broken, and I guess maybe lots of celebrities were out looking like pedos while I couldn’t use the computer, because they seem to have gotten tired of it! I’ve been pretty sad, and have been forced to comfort myself with a theoretical cocoon of puzzles, lemonade, and Doctor Who. I also reached into the pop culture archives for this post.

Four years ago, I went to see Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban, and was introduced to the acting tour de force that is David Thewlis. Sure, the only other things I’ve seen him in
are Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix and Vice Magazine. Apparently, he’s been in lots of other things, but those are the only things I really know about. I think that says a lot about me, actually, but still doesn’t clear up at all where I fall on the hipster-pedophile scale. At the time PoA came out, I didn’t really read websites about celebrity gossip or Harry Potter movies. So imagine my surprise when I, along with the Trio, discover that the creepy guy passed out in their compartment on the Hogwarts Express is actually a teacher.

I mean, would you hire this guy to teach your kids? Especially defense against anything. He might teach the kids how to fend off grindyloos and how to banish a boggart, but you know that there’s absolutely no information on bad touches. And doesn’t this look remarkably similar to Nicole Richie, Lindsay Lohan, and Paris Hilton’s mugshots? I think it’s the gray background and that sour look on his face, like he just met Chris Hansen. And lest you think that this was somehow Thewlis getting into character, after the jump are the pictures accompanying the Vice interview.

In a strange city, seeking a new life under a new name, where no one knows him or his sordid past.

There’s just something about a man wearing a sleeveless T shirt..

In this one, he’s spying on a junior peewee cheerleading squad. Actually, this picture really reminds me of this time when I was in college. I was walking on what we called the “Lakeshore Path” (it was a path along the lake) from my dorm to campus, when I heard what I thought was a wounded animal. In reality, it was a man wearing only a pair of Timberlands and some tighty whities on his head. I imagine that this is what that guy looked like without underwear on his head.

So, in closing, you’re probably wondering: Is this man a hipster, or a pedophile? There’s plenty of evidence leading both ways. That mustache. That shirt. The Harry Potter movies. Vice likes him. It’s a tough decision, but until little Colin Creevey or Rose Zeller makes a formal complaint, I’m going to have to say hipster. I am desperately hoping, though, that the rumors I heard about Thewlis becoming the next Doctor Who prove to be false. As far as I know, there’s no minimum age for companions on the TARDIS.