Brief Interviews with Hideous “Hipsters”

Sometimes you look at someone and you think to yourself, “man, that person is a HIPSTER.” And that’s o.k. You are probably right because, as an avid reader of this blog, you are equipped to make such a snap decision. Let’s take John Krasinski as a completely random example. John Krasinski, you think to yourself with relative confidence, is a HIPSTER.

I mean, alright, he’s not a Cobra Snake attending, fixie riding, artiste waif who pays for his ridiculously tight girl jeans with his parent’s trust fund. He’s more of a “Stuff White People Like” variety of hipster. (Seriously, check out that blog if you haven’t already, it’s awesome.)

But the point is, this guy is definitely a hipster. And maybe you’re o.k. with that. He is Jim from the Office. Jim from the Office is a pretty awesome guy, I’ll admit. He plays cute little pranks, pulls adorable faces, and he swayed with Pam to some mainstream indie band in the second season. All in all, he’s pretty endearing.

But I ask you, gentle reader, is it all just a ruse? Is young Johnny hiding his true(ly sinister) nature?!

(Do NOT trust this man!)

Last Pedophile Standing

About a month ago, Ashley got really into watching Last Comic Standing, particularly the audition rounds. I tried to resist, but due to her bad influence and constant peer pressuring, I eventually gave in. One of my favorites from the very beginning was Mr. Paul Foot. I liked the absurdity of his act, and I also liked his accent. He’s English. He’s very funny. He’s also very weird, which I think he tries to express through his personal style, but I think that it comes across more as aging neighborhood pedophile than simply eccentric comedian. It’s hard to say, though, and hence the pressing, urgent need for this blog. You need to know what to look for so you can know what to avoid. “But Sarah,” you say, “shouldn’t we be avoiding both hipsters and pedophiles?” To that, I say yes. But you still need to know the difference so you can know how to avoid them. When it comes to children, hipsters are slightly less dangerous, because with a strong enough home life, hipster interaction need not result in your child becoming a hipster. From what I understand, child molestation is a vicious cycle. So is being a hipster, but that can be broken by taking away access to Pitchfork and “vintage” clothing boutiques.

American Pedophidol

I don’t watch American Idol, but I do read Oh No They Didn’t, so I know that these people are from that show. One of them won. The other didn’t. I think he’s the one that’s crossed out. But, if you ask me, this picture could easily be a still from a potentially good episode of SVU.