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I’ve been sitting on this for a few days now, hoping to find a picture of someone besides Jude Law to put here. I’m as exasperated as you are. When did this turn into Jude Law Looks Like A Pedophile? About two and a half weeks ago, I guess. Allegedly, the ‘stache is for the new Sherlock Holmes movie, wherein Jude Law allegedly plays Watson. But when even your  own child tries to run away screaming because you really do totally look like you’re about to touch her or her friends in her swimsuit area, dude that’s a problem.

Facial hair for fathers is a tricky thing, I know that. My dad has a beard, and has for almost all of my life. When I was four, he shaved it off and came to pick me up at daycare. I didn’t recognize him and hid! Then, when my sister was four or so, he did the same thing to her (out of fairness, I guess). Facial hair can really change the way someone looks, and when you’re really young sometimes you can’t figure out who that person is on your own. I get that. Maybe that’s what’s going on here. But at the same time, I really, really, really encourage Jude-ina there to run away until her daycare or preschool teacher calls her mom to come and explain that this man really is her daddy.

Dammit Jude Law, you’re not even trying now are you? Throw on a scarf, old chap, so you at least have a sporting chance here! And please, don’t look so surprised. You’re the one that left the house with your pants tucked into your socks.

Oh, how long it’s been, friends. I can call you friends because I’m like John McCain like that. It’s been a while since I saw any really striking examples of hipster and/or pedophile in the celebrity world – and the real world. It’s like everyone ever was all “hm how can we make Sarah’s life more boring and lame? I know! Let’s stop growing ‘ironic’ pedostaches and start dressing decently!” Ugh horrible! It’s like the heavens decided to wreak horribleness all up ons me in every possible way!

photo via faded youth, obviously

So thank god for Jude Law. I never ever ever thought I would say that before. I don’t expect to say it again. I’m not a fan of his. I think he looks like a skeezy version of Phil Collins. And I mean, I love “Against All Odds,” and he did some pretty dece work with Genesis (although really Peter Gabriel was better both in Genesis and solo). But at the same time, Phil Collins is already kind of skeezy looking. So looking like the pedo version of Phil Collins is really saying something. Jude Law is trying his hardest, his absolute damnedest to be a hipster with those glasses and that scarf, but it’s just not working. As it is, at least we can be confident that he’s not actually a pedophile since as far as we the public know, he doesn’t have sex with children, just their nannies.

After the jump, some bonus Phil Collins videos!

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