This is a dramatic reenactment, starring Shia LaBoeuf as himself.

shialabeefcake: hey girl long time no chat. what are you doing?

underage_sexgirl: o u know, nothin much. not participating in any kind of nbc-sponsored pedophile sting operation lol

shialabeefcake: that’s cool. what are you wearing?

underage_sexgirl: whatever it is 14 year old girls are wearing these days. it’s not like i’m actually a 42 year old man or anything lol. u?

shialabeefcake: just some ugly shoes, a ratty old t-shirt, an ugly denim jacket with a weird collar, purple jeans, and of course my calvins!

underage_sexgirl: omg i liek find you so cool you should come over to my house. my parents are totally out of town ;)

shialabeefcake: yeah for sure. what should i bring? condoms? wine coolers? cool whip?

underage_sexgirl: how about an ipod and a muffin from starbucks. i just love those things ;;)

shialabeefcake: sounds good i’ll be there soon. oh one more thing. you’re sure this isn’t a sting?

No reason not to pick up some coffee while I'm picking up her muffin

Got the iPod and the muffin. Who's that guy over there?

I'm sure it's not a big deal. I didn't realize she lives in an RV, but I mean that's cool I guess.

Is that a camera over there? Shiiiiiii -

Why don't you have a seat over there?